Scarred Heart
by TopazEyedWriter
Summary: Bella is abused, bullied for her weight. Cuttings seems to relieve depressed Bella. Bella than takes things into her own matter, it started with a diet than heads to anorexia. She moves to Forks and meets Edward. Her depression and anorexia worsen as Bella tries to hide it from Edward. Eventually the situation is out of control, can Edward fix Bella's scarred heart?
1. Chapter 1: A Look Into The Past

**Hey guys! So this is my new story. I have only written one other story called 'Never To Meet Again', but I only published one chapter so far. Anyway all today I had been reading twilight fanfictions and they all gave me inspiration for another story. This chapter is the prologue, which will give you all the background information about Bella. This chapter is intense, full of detail, as well as mature topics such as eating disorders, child abuse and mental illnesses. This topics are to be taken seriously and if you don't think you can handle reading about this content I suggest finding another fanfiction to read. You have been warned. Hope you like my new fanfiction and please review!**

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Chapter One: A Look Into The Past

**Bella's POV**

"Bella honey, I'm going out to get a few groceries. I will be back soon, Phil is in the basement if you need anything, I'm sure he wouldn't mind. There are leftovers in the fridge if you get hungry." Renee smiled sweetly then sweep out the door.

If only she really knew. At least she is happy.

"BELLA!" Hate and disgust dripping off Phil's scream.

Terror ripped through me as I took each step downstairs but I kept the same blank expression. I took a deep breath before I faked a pleasant smile.

"Where's my dinner!" He barked.

His breath smelled like alcohol, he was drunk. Not a surprise. Phil's hair was messy and a large bottle of vodka in his shaky hands. He took another big gulp before raging at me once again.

"Don't just stand there looking like a idiot, go get me food!"

"Sure, Sure. Renee said there is leftovers in the fridge. I will go warm you up a plate." I answered politely sealing my lips into a thin smile.

Phil stood up on his wobbly legs and threw the bottle of vodka at the wall beside me just missing me. Glass shards flying everywhere, some of which hitting my face, bare legs and arms. I yelped in pain.

"You stupid girl! I don't want disgusting leftovers! I want a fresh hot meal." He yelled outraged.

I removed the glass holding in the pain. Blood gushed from the deep cuts making me nauseous. I turned away just as Phil swung his arm making contact to my reddened cheek. I yelled causing him take another swing to my stomach. I fell to the cold hard ground hitting the back of my fragile head, I screamed at the top of my lungs. Tears fled from eyes. My weakness only fed to Phil's anger more.

"Why did I have to marry a woman with a fucken wimp as a daughter! You are such a disappointment!"

Sobs overtook me. Phil picked up a piece of sharp glass, flipped me around and pulled up my shirt exposing my pale back. He traced the lines of my back with the piece of glass. He cut through my skin deeply like a hot knife in butter. I screeched every time he sliced. It was agony, worse than my usual beatings. Finally after what felt like eternity the bloody shard slipped from his grasp and he crouched over my pathetic body as I whimpered.

"As much as I would like to continue this for the rest of the night I am very hungry. So you better go make go make me supper! You have forty minutes, or else I will give you a little something of my own. A five knuckle sandwich right to the face!" Phil sneered as he stood up hovering over my broken body.

Phil walked right on my ankle as he made his way over to the fridge to grab a can of beer. I heard a sickening crunching sound. Unbearable pain shot up my leg. But I had to get up to go make Phil dinner. I barley managed to get up, I had a severe headache, the back of my shirt was stained with blood, my leg was surely broken and I was in excruciating pain. I don't even know how I got up the steep stairs to the kitchen. I prepared the fastest recipe for pasta and quickly made a plate up for Phil.

_Shit. Mom would be home soon. I needed to get myself cleaned up._ I limped to my bathroom and took a hot shower hoping to help with my heartache,and I cleaned my cuts. When I got out of the shower I bandaged up my back and iced my swollen ankle. I used a bit of concealer for the bruise on my face. I dressed in pajama pants and a long sleeved tee. I finished up just in time for the arrival of mom. Phil came upstairs to greet Renee with a kiss.

"Poor Bella. She was coming downstairs to ask me if I wanted dinner and tripped. She crashed right into a couple wine bottles. She is okay but I feel terrible, it looked painful. I didn't get to clean the broken glass yet because I was tending to sweet Bella."

I stared at him wide eyed. He lied so smoothly, without a thought to it like it came naturally or something.

"Awww Bella? Are you okay?" Mom looked so worried about me.

I walked over trying to act casual. "Yeah, don't worry mom. I'm fine. I have always been extremely clumsy." I forced a little laugh. But I have never been a good liar.

"Are you sure dear? You look like you're putting more pressure on your left leg?"

"Yeah I probably just sprained my right ankle. No big deal." I replied putting on a fake smile.

"Nonsense. I will bring you to the doctor after school tomorrow." Her face still sick with worry.

I felt bad, I hated to worry her.

The next day, after school I came home to cheering.

"Congratulations! I knew you could make the team!" Renee looked so genuinely happy for Phil.

"Thanks babe."

Phil was a minor league baseball player, he applied for an open spot on another team a couple months ago.

"Congrats." I said forcing a small smile.

Phil nodded his head without even glancing at me and began again,

"my first game game is this Saturday in Denver."

When Phil applied for the job he knew he would be travelling all across the country for games. Renee agreed to stay at home with me while Phil travelled.

"Oh baby, I wish you could come to my game." Phil pleaded.

"I'm sorry honey but I have to keep Bella company here at home in Phoenix." You could hear the the sadness in her voice.

"No mom, go with Phil to Denver to watch his game. I'm fine here alone. I'm seventeen, I can handle things here. Besides its only a weekend." I used my best persuading tone.

"Okay fine. Thanks Bella." Renee flung into Phil's open arms. Phil shot me a harsh glare. _Who cares if I'm miserable, mom is happy, that's all that matters._ I kept telling myself over and over.

Later that night, right after dinner mom took me to the doctor. I had a small fracture in my ankle. The doctor gave me a brace. It would heal fine in the next month.

Friday morning approached quickly, Renee and Phil were packing up to leave. I was glad Phil was leaving for a bit but I would miss mom. Mom left outside to pack her suitcase in the minivan. I was eating waffles drenched in sweet sugary syrup. Phil appeared in front of me.

"Fat ass. Eating all that food. Have you ever noticed how chunky you are?" He laughed, "Well it's hard to miss considering how noticeable it is!"

A lump formed in my throat just as the front door flew open, Renee came in and planted a kiss on Phil's cheek.

I threw the remainder of my breakfast out and grabbed my backpack.

"Bye guys, have a fun trip."

"Oh Bella! I'm going to miss you so much! Are you sure you will be okay. I could still stay behind."

"No!" Phil and I said together.

"Okay fine. Love you Bella." She answered reluctantly.

"Love you too mom." Then I quickly added, "Bye Phil."

They didn't seem to notice the harshness in my voice.

With that, I headed out the front door and walked to school.

I arrived early like always and sat alone on one of the school benches and read my favourite book, _Wuthering Heights._

The bell rang, students filed through the front door as if they were eager to begin class. The hall was flooded with people as I made my way into homeroom and sat at my usual desk in the back of the room hoping to stay unnoticeable.

Many boring classes later, the lunch bell finally rang. Relief washed over me. _Good. I'm starving._

I waited in the long cafeteria line as my stomach growled loudly causing people to stare as if I committed some sort of crime. I grabbed a couple slices of pizza, a chocolate milk and a pudding for dessert. Making my way to an empty table, I set my tray down then started to gobble up my pizza. But a hushed comment made me stop and look up to a nearby table.

"Eww, is she actually going to eat all of that." A popular snotty girl pointed her skinny tanned finger to me.

"Oh my god, I hope not, she is already starting to look pudgy." Her brunette friend commented.

"By the end of the year she is going to look like 'Fat Amy'." The popular girl sneered. The both cracked up in stupid girly giggles.

I felt the stinging in my eyes as salty tears welled up. I ducked my head and wiped the corners of my red rimmed eyes. I couldn't risk being seen like this. I got up for the round table, threw out the tray of food then headed to the girls bathroom.

I used toilet paper to wipe my tears and stared at myself in the mirror. Was I really 'pudgy' or 'chunky' like Phil says. Maybe he was telling me the truth. I pulled up my shirt revealing my stomach. I had exposed rolls of fat and ugly purple stretch marks. _Oh my god. I'm fat._

That night when I came home I was exhausted from my lack of food. I decided to take a shower to help wake me up.

I stepped into the hot water and begun washing my hair with my strawberry shampoo. I rinsed then washed my body. I closed my eyes, the warmth of the water was relaxing after the terrible day I had. Once I opened my eyes something caught my eye. My razor. Without thinking I lifted the razor to my boney wrist. Then sliced, blood came rushing out, tinting the water at my feet red. I could smell the salt. It was like instant relief, it felt so good. So I cut another thin clean line on my small wrist. More relief. My pale skin was stained red. Nearing the end of my shower I had several cuts, tears slid down my face. _How could I have done this?_ I sobbed as I dried off and put on my pajamas. I took deep breaths trying to calm myself. I ended washing my face and pulled my act together. _Relax Bella. You are fine._ I chanted in my head. Then I remembered I knew what I needed to do! I had to get to business and start fixing my problem. I searched around on Google for a new diet to lose weight fast.

I found a few helpful websites and immediately went on a diet. Most mornings would begin with a yogurt, then at lunch a apple or banana. I usually ate half my meal at dinner time. I was losing weight quite quickly. I dropped twelve pounds the first month and nine the next month. Mom hadn't suspected anything at all because she travelled with Phil so much lately. Usually every weekend they would disappear together. Renee didn't even ask if I wanted her to stay anymore. I knew to never ask Renee to stay because I would definitely receive extra beatings from Phil. So my depression continued as I ate less and less.

Nearing the three month mark on my diet I had lost a total twenty-nine pounds. My weight was currently a hundred and five pounds. But I needed to lose more. I still had stomach fat. So I changed my diet, I now skip breakfast, eat an apple for lunch and pick at my food at dinner. I didn't want Renee to get suspicious.

Later that week, I had just arrived home from school.

"Bella? Phil and I need to talk to you about something." Renee patted on the couch cushion beside her.

"Okay."

_What on earth do they want to talk about? It sounds serious._

"Phil brought to my attention that we really shouldn't be leaving you alone all the time. It's not normal for a teenage girl like yourself."

I gulped. _Where was she going with this?_

"Well," Renee grabbed Phil's hand, "We think it's best you go live with your dad."

_Of course Phil came up with this idea to get rid of me and convinced mom it would be best for me. Phil didn't even care about me._

At first I wanted to yell no, but then a thought occurred to me. I would get away from Phil. That's a good thing right? Oh I would miss mom so much though. No, I will like Forks. I would miss the hot weather but I would get to start fresh. This could be a good thing.

"Bella? Honey?" Renee waved her hand in front of my face.

"Yes, sorry."

"What do you think about this. Talk to me." She said softly in her motherly tone.

What would I say? I really had mixed thoughts about the whole thing.

Without thinking I blurted out,

"Okay."

Renee and Phil looked taken back, surprised. I guess they thought they would have to argue about this till I agreed. Mom's eyes twinkled with sadness and hurt. So I quickly added,

"I would miss you guys a lot, but I want you to be happy and if travelling makes you happy then I will go live with Charlie." I said firmly letting them know my decision was final.

Both Renee and Phil smiled. Phil got what what he wanted, Renee to himself.

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**So hopefully you guys all liked it. I enjoyed writing it although it took me hours! I put a ton of effort into this chapter so can you do me a favor and PLEASE review? Thanks in advance.**


	2. Chapter 2: Forks

**I know this story hasn't been updated for a while but finally the next chapter is here! It's not very eventful or interesting but it's all coming. The next chapter will be Bella attending Forks High, that will be fun. Oh and ExB is coming! Yay!**

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Chapter Two: Forks

**Bella POV:**

"All passengers I would like your attention please. We will be landing in Port Angeles very soon so all passengers must put on their seat belt. Thank you. We will be arriving to our destination in seven minutes." The voice boomed over the loud speaker.

I was going to Forks. I used to visit Charlie every summer for a couple weeks but it has been years. I stared through the circular window looking at the thick green forests below. Definitely looks like Washington. I sighed, I already missed Renee. But this was good, I could be away from Phil and his daily beatings. A fresh start.

The plane landed, I made my way through the terminal then grabbed my bulky luggage. Pushing through crowds of people I spotted Charlie in his police uniform. I waved to him, pulling the luggage behind me as I walked over.

"Hi dad."

"Bella?" Charlie said as he examined me. "You've grown. And your hair is different."

"Yeah I got a haircut, its been growing out though." My dark wavy hair was past my shoulders now.

"Well we better be getting to the house." Charlie took my bags out of my hands and lead me to the exit of the stuffy airport.

The car right wasn't too bad. Mostly small talk. The cruiser pulled up in front of the white house surrounded by trees. Charlie grabbed my luggage from the trunk then showed me to my room. Still mostly the same as I left it other then the new bed spread and desk. The old lace curtains turning yellow with age, a small rocking chair in the corner of room from when I was young and of course the same light blue walls. I set my bag beside the old pine dresser on the wooden floor.

"I set up a desk and picked up a second hand computer for you to use for homework and for emailing your mother. I asked Sue Clearwater to pick you up a new bed spread. You like purple right?" Charlie asked.

I was impressed. "Yeah, purple is fine." I smiled.

"Okay. Oh yeah I forgot! I also got you a mirror, usually girls like mirrors. Right?"

I didn't even notice the mirror. Yeah girls like mirrors if they are pretty and skinny. Unlike me.

"Yeah dad thanks."

"Well I will let you unpack and stuff." Another good thing about Charlie, he doesn't hover.

I walked over the mirror and frowned. I'm so ugly, why can't I be skinny! I flipped the mirror to the back so I couldn't see myself. Perfect. I guess it's time to start unpacking.

Good, I'm glad I'm finally unpacked. What time is it? I swung my legs over the side of the bed facing the nightstand where the alarm clock stood. _Woah, it's already six. _I gotta make dinner. I begun heading downstairs to the small kitchen. Rummaging through the pale green cabinets I became aware I really needed to go grocery shopping. Maybe tomorrow.

After finding a box of pasta hidden behind a stack on soup cans, I decided on simple pasta with tomato sauce. Mixing the sauce over the stove I stared out the window. Same old rainy Forks, I definitely didn't miss the weather. But it was nice being able to make dinner without having to rush or be anxious of Phil coming home wanting a hot meal ready for him as soon as he stepped through the door.

I turned the dial on the stove to off and slid the pot of tomato sauce off the heated ring just as Charlie appeared in the kitchen.

"What's for dinner Bells?"

"Just some pasta with tomato sauce. Nothing fancy, we really need to get groceries. I don't now how you lived this long with such a lack of food around." I joked.

I scooped some plain pasta shells onto a clean plate then drenched it with the sweet sauce. Charlie was seated at the table, I passed him the plate of food and sat down in the empty wooden chair beside him.

"You aren't eating anything?" Charlie asked with a mouthful of food.

"No, I'm not really hungry, I had a big meal right before I left." I lied. I actually have only eaten a granola bar today at breakfast.

"But that was hours ago?"

"Yeah I guess I overstuffed myself." I hated lying to Charlie but this was necessary if I wanted to lose weight. Before he could say anything else I quickly added,

"I think I'm going to go to bed early tonight. I want to be well rested for my first day at school tomorrow."

"Okay. You are all set, I registered you last week. Goodnight Bells."

"Night." I hurried up the wooden steps to the bathroom. Ugh, _there must be a scale up here somewhere. _

I looked in the cabinet under the sink then in the small closet. Under a pile of crap a found a scale at the bottom of the closet. It looked old but it should still work. Hopefully. Setting the scale down on the floor I stared into the mirror over the porcelain sink then took a deep breath. I shrugged out of my baggy clothing and stepped onto the small scale, my heart was racing afraid of the result coming.

_106.2 _

_Phew, I lost a pound since yesterday. I'm going to be skinny soon! _

I suddenly felt hope until I heard another voice in my head.

_Ew fatty, don't get ahead of yourself. You still have tons of weight to loose. You are still size three, you think that's skinny! It's not, you are so ugly! Phil was right!_

That's when I peeked at the mirror once again. Ugly bulges of fat stuck out from my stomach covered in gross purple stretch marks.

_Oh my god, look how many rolls of fat you have!_

My eyes stung and I could feel tears coming on. So I did the thing that made sense most. Whipping open the shower curtain I turned on the water. Soon steam flooded the room fogging up the mirror. I climbed into the shower absorbing the hot water. Then pressed my pink razor to my wrist then sliced. Relief washed over me as blood started pooling out and staining the water red. The sickening smell of salty blood filled the steamy air. This had become a normal thing for me. I didn't think twice about it, when I was hurting this brought me relief and satisfaction. Smiling I set my razor down and began massaging strawberry shampoo in my thick hair. Soon after the water ran cold and I jumped out to dry off. By now the bleeding stopped, not bothering to look at the mirror since I knew it would only bring more pain, I wrapped the thin towel around myself and headed to my room. I dressed in my old holey sweat pants and a plain baggy tee I crawled into bed. I almost immediately feel into a deep sleep not even bothering to worry about how tomorrow would be at my new school.

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**Sorry it's so short but I wanted to cut it here so I could start a fresh new chapter for Bella's first day at Forks High School. I will hopefully be posting the next chapter soon, I know you had to wait like two weeks for this chapter. I'm hoping it won't take me that long again. Every time I would sit at my computer to write I would somehow end up getting caught up reading other twilight fanfictions. Sorry about that. Anyway please let me know what you think in the reviews! **


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